I'll continue updating myself about how I feel...
And always come back her and compare between the feelings, this is how I will know...
And how knows, maybe I'll be more awake than last time...
I'm just trying not to lie to myself,
Don't want to put myself into kind of apathy again, that I was with Lea in the end...
That's not that I didn't love her, I loved her, probably still (but the feelings to Karina and failure in attempts to rebuild the romantic/couple relationships with Lea, pushed it somewhere deep [or away]). Just don't know. Don't want to loose a girl I love in the future, because of my fucked up system.
In last few weeks almost no reactions to Lea, nothing no love, no hate, no dipression or some king of sadness.
I almost totaly past her. This is what I was afraid before. But I cannot stay in the past when she doesn't want me. If someone ever love person like I loved her, he would understand.
She come less and less to my dreams. Karina replaces her.
And Karina is amazing girl, and she is totaly in love with me. I'm in love too...
I want her to stay for long, cannot know nothing, but I wish...
Because every break up, brings you more down.
You know it will be always better, and it will...
But how many times can I totaly open to people?
And how many times I can be left with a broken heart?
And start all over and over again? And again...
And chase girls, and to get to know new girls...
I know that the "in love" stage is one of the greatest...
But I'm not falling in love in every girl I see...
And I haven't saw a lot of amazing girls that also beautiful outside (Maybe its a bit superficial, but come on guys [and girls] how can you wake up near a person for two, three, four, five years in a row and not to like how she looks).
Or those that love more the outside, I cannot be only with a pretty girl for a long time if she is ugly from inside (probably if you're a 15 year old kid and this is your first love, you can [but that's another story, and not really rellevant])...
Wow this is a long post, and I can write on and on...
I think maybe I'll write a letter to Lea and tell here how I feel sometimes... 'cause in person this doesn't really work...
What else? This was a great brain fuck, I don't think I'll be able to read this, but maybe someday....
Still in love,
Still a Shithead
בבלוג זה
בכל הבלוגים
כינוי:
maxtourist
