Magnum opus

  We discussed a poem by Bialik (Shunra tries his best not to vomit) today, titled Summer is Dying. I told the teacher that the orchard mentioned in the poem hints at the Jewish Pardes. She hadn't the slightest idea what I was talking about, and didn't understand the shocked look I gave her later on when I told her it should be pronounced with a different metre, because it's in Ashkenazi stress. Last Monday she dismissed clear points I brought up between A. B. Yehoshu'a's The Lover and Vladimir Nabokov's Lolita, saying idiotically that the semi-pædophilic affair is the only similarity. A person like her should never, ever, EVER be allowed to work as a teacher, otherwise no-one should be surprised when the Meitsav results are published. I was right when I told my friend (whose boyfriend is Russian), 'I don't know if you speak enough Russian for this, but она глупая корова.' She didn't understand, so I translated: 'She's a stupid cow.'

  I put up an ad on a message board in school in which I specified my services, and two lads came by. They asked me why I don't write for britot, and I said it's because it's a barbaric, disgusting act. They started arguing about it with me ('We're Jews!' he said, 'maybe you got some Christian raising or something, but I'm a Jew, that's the way I was raised!' And I thought, 'I want to see someone daring to challenge the views about the Jews I post on my blog...'), one of them tried to persuade me to write something for his upcoming brother's bris. I refused, claiming he wants me to sell my values.

   Soon, many people came to argue about this, and some started going, 'Yelling! Yelling! Yelling!! Dying out! Dying out!... Dying out...' The person who told me about his brother's bris said I always try to act the opposite of everyone else instead of blending in (which basically means siding for infant circumcision, succumb to the castrating power of the education system, have a mild sense of patriotism, and aspiring to become cannon fodder in the army, but this is the subject for another post), which would make my life much easier. I told him that once I'd been a great patriot: I saluted to the children carrying the flags at the Independence Day ceremonies in my school, I sang the national anthem loud and proud... But then I just realised how rotten this country is (the biggest blow was when I tried to come out of the closet and was hushed by the school). He (to whom I shall refer as M. E.) tried claiming I was out of my mind, and someone else (A. Y.) tried to protect me, saying I'm doing a very noble thing by speaking my mind like that, so M. E. said, 'Don't encourage him!' and was very content when some other git came and said that I'm out of my mind, claiming no-one else has put up such an ad.

  They wouldn't stop arguing even after I told them the U. K. and Australian Ministries of Health both recommend not to get circumcised, and even in the U. S., where up until recently boys were circumcised routinely at birth and the doctors received several hundreds of dollars for each operation like that, they stopped recommending it. I told them all these health benefits could be acquired if one simply washed under his foreskin, and getting circumcised is like having your teeth removed and replaced with false ones. I even told them I think an uncut penis looks better, and that uncut is becoming fashionable now. But they wouldn't listen to a word I said, and I mocked them, lowering my head, waving my hand about, and crying, 'The facts won't confuse us! Circumcision is good!'

  Then, when I went to make a new ad (they complained that my hand-written ad was impossible to read, so I went to make a printed one in the computer room), one of them called me. He said he was Avi (or something like that) from Ramat haSharon, that he saw my ad, and that he wants a poem for an event. When I asked him what event, he said it's a bris, so I said, 'Fuck you,' and hung up. He called again, and said it was a wedding and not a bris, so I asked him if we can go discuss it at the Rupin junction, and asked him to tell the people who were laughing in the background to shut up, because I know it's supposed to be a prank call, and I just want to demonstrate the procedure. Then he asked me, 'How much do you take for a gozzle?', so I hung up. Later on I called him (when his lesson started―yes, it was intentional―and my teacher didn't come), and told him I recognised him 'by the dumb voice and the dumb prank'. He said, 'Go gozzle a langer,' and hung up. Janey mac, I'm sick and tired of all this shite. (Which includes a pun, because the git who called me liked 2 Girls 1 Cup.)

  I found out A Csitári Hegyek Alatt is actually a Hungarian folk song. I'm starting to think nothing can actually beat folk poetry, unless it's―you guessed it―Jewish (but that's because it's either Yiddish, which is a repulsive language, or written by that moron Bialik). For instance, think about Whiskey in the Jar, in The Dubliners' version. If you read between the lines, you can see that the robber was betrayed by Jenny because he had a fight with her about his cheating and drinking habits, and a hidden message about the Irish soldiers in the British army of the time being loyal first of all to their Irish brothers. The Scottish ballads also have a lot in them (funny, Altermann translated some to Hebrew... and did a good job for his goals, which means it sounds beautifully poetic, but doesn't capture the vernacular spirit of the ballads). This song will become the next our-song of my next boy/girlfriend and mine.

   Anyway, here's a link to Oi Va Voi's version of the song, and here's a link to Kodály's (also beautiful, but sounds a bit too... rough). Here are the lyrics of Oi Va Voi's version, with an English translation, and here are the lyrics of Kodály's (which include an extra verse), no translation.

  Also, I highly recommend my latest discovery: Ukrainian Christmas carols. The most famous amongst them is Shchedrik, which can be listened to here (and yes, it's originally in Ukrainian). Others include Dobriy Vechyir, Tobyi (written in Ukrainian as Добрий вечір, тобі, and according to Google's translation says mostly, 'Rejoice! Rejoice! The Son of God was born'), Nyebo yi Zemlya (couldn't find a translation, but I suppose the title, 'Heaven and Earth', says it all), and Vselennaya Veselysia (I have no idea what it means, and it takes a little more getting used to). It's nice to research my origins.

  About the post about homophobia and intolerance in Ukraine and homophobia in Ireland: I must admit, I was shocked when I saw it. The situation in both countries seemed worse than in Israel, in which gay couples can adopt and donate blood. Then I thought about it again, and concluded there is a huge difference between Israel and these two countries: Jewish culture is almost congruent with religion. There is no separation between Jewish by faith and Jewish by blood or culture, at least not linguistic-wise (in almost any language you can find). However, this is not the case in Ukraine and Ireland, which were pagan before the Russian and British conquests, respectively. I don't know about Ukraine, but homosexuality was very well accepted in Ireland, as was women warriors (though there is a debate if they were really women warriors, or just buried with army equipment). These two peoples had their negative traits forced upon them, while the Jews invented them (they invented full circumcision, and homosexuality was accepted at least in Egypt, and perhaps around the entire Middle East as well?). This is why, even now, I feel more proud saying I'm Ukrainian than saying I'm a Jew.

  Unum diem...