Maybe we all got the wrong idea? Maybe the whole idea of happiness doesn't really rely on wealth, on finding happiness in the rat-race of our careers. When I spoke to him, and he said he can't follow me, I started thinking I might've made a mistake deciding not to follow him to Sacramento.
I started thinking that maybe we're all making a mistake over-looking the 'weaker layers of society'. We're all trapped in some absurd rat-race, trying to advance our careers, ourselves, whatnot, and somehow we're still not happy. But look at the Arabs, or the religious Jews in Israel―they always seem so... content.
And look at him, really. His sister is 18 and she's pregnant, and his parents have to take care of four children. He lost a thousand USD that were supposed to be given to him as state assistance, but the crisis wiped those away. And he's so happy, he's going to be an uncle!
So maybe that's it, you know. Maybe the secret to true joy is just a house full of children and a sense of a superior goal in life. Some old fool once told me one should drink the little fountains he can reach from the bottom of the waterfall of religion and not try to mount the waterfall itself. I mean, honestly, when was the last time you heard of a National Religious man or an Arab going to 'find himself'?
My dreams are most likely secure. Volunteering to the Israeli Intelligence, then a B.A. from Tel-Aviv University, then an M.A. from Tokyo University, then off to a quiet life in Iceland with a loving wife and an average number of children. But it seems a bit pointless at the moment.
Maybe it's just the backfire of the break-up. It was so clean, I was surprised at my own tranquility. It hit me only at night, when I tried falling asleep and the thought of never being able to hold him and love him kept me awake. I can't believe I lost him. But maybe I'm onto something here.
He was so content when he ran through the bean field and fell bleeding there
Unum diem...
(I love you, Felicia.)
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