I watched HaKhayim Ze Lo Hakol (an Israeli sitcom, something like the uptown Tel-Aviv married version of Seinfeld; the title translated roughly to ‘Life Ain’t All’) a while ago on V.O.D. There was a scene there in which the main character’s wife got a phone call saying she was pregnant. And it made me think that the woman who gets to call pregnant women and tell them their results are positive must have the best job in the world.
I can’t wait to be able to lay my ear against my future wife’s (or surrogate mother’s) belly, feeling the baby kick, all excited like a little child who’s about to get a splendid toy for Christmas.
Ah, my children, my children...
And now for something completely different:
I could hardly believe seeing it when I did.
On an iCarly episode recently aired in Israel (or was it V.O.D?), Freddie said that he found the work of one FЯED (the stage name of some bloke who makes silly fast-forward vids online, which are apparently very popular) ‘not that funny’, much to the dismay of the strongly disagreeing Carly and Sam. This caused FЯED to announce that he would not be making any more videos, and consequently got Freddie shunned, bullied, and kicked out of all school clubs he was a member of. When the feud brought a much dreaded boycott of iCarly.com, the iCarly team went all the way to FЯED’s house to apologise. Freddie, who originally had Carly’s support for simply speaking his mind, was now physically forced by Sam to apologise to FЯED (whose real name was Lucas), who explained the whole feud was staged for a publicity stunt. The iCarly team and Lucas reconciliated and made a new FЯED video, and that was the end of it.
Christ. Oh Christ almighty who art in Heaven. WHAT IN KOT’S NAME WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE. Hey Dan Schneider, ever heard of something called the FIRST FUCKING AMENDMENT? And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Look at the rest of Schneider’s series: Drake & Josh (Josh admitted to Drake that being cool would get him through life; Drake never dates anyone who isn’t white; the intelligent Josh is portrayed as a buffoon...), Zoe 101 (no interracial couples; clear though unspoken distinction between ‘casts’, with the attractive wasp girl at the top and the girl with the speech impediment at the bottom; complete mockery of gender issues...), All That, Kenan & Kel, The Amanda Show (I barely remember those programmes so I can’t criticise racism or things like that, but I do remember the humour there was terrible and degrading for anyone’s æsthetic sense), and again iCarly (which is really retarded). At least What I Like About You was worthwhile (support of women rights, though with a rather cynic view about the idea of ‘sex sells’; acceptance of outcasts, including―gasp!―lesbians...).
Hence, I conclude that Dan Schneider is not a racist or whatever, but simply has no moral fiber and will produce anything profitable.
And more than this says about Schneider himself, it says a lot about us as a society (you might argue that it’s only American decadence, but this shite is aired all over the world). What in Kot’s name are we showing are children?
I’m not going to let my children fall into the racist, sexist, anti-democratic clutches of laissez faire. Never. Over my fucking blood-oozing dead body. There will be no telly in my home.
And now for something completely different:
Two new poems.
The first is a homage to one of my favourite poets, Vladimir Vysotsky (he was like Bob Dylan, only Russian, hence better`also, he could act, and he did Hamlet’s role splendidly). It was inspired by a BBC programme about Russia I’d watched on the Israeli Channel 8 (Israelis, don’t laugh). There was some old Cossack fisherman the host was talking to. He asked the fisherman, ‘What do you think Russia is?’, and the fisherman replied, ‘Russia is the Russian folk [that’s the quoted sentence below]. [...] One day, the Bear [in Russian: Медведь, medved’] that is Russia will arise, and everything will be alright.’ I assumed he was referring to the corruption in the country, and I prefer assuming this rather than that the Russian folk will establish an even less democratic regime, abolish women and homosexual rights, become a racist country, &c. The poem below is a very optimistic one, referring either to the Russian people who I hope will understand one day the importance of human rights, or to Dmitry Medvedev, who will hopefully be strong enough to cleanse Russia thoroughly.
МЕДВЕДЬ
«Россия – это русский народ. »
—A Cossack fisherman
One day I shall rise while rubbing my eyes
And move a bit, limb after limb.
Thus slowly I’ll tread, and, scratching my head,
I’ll wonder just why it’s so dim.
You, who now laugh in a lunatic’s fit—
You’ll be the ones hardest hit!
Raising an ear, I’ll suddenly hear
The shackles (a soul-binding sound!).
I’m quite bright, hence I’ll soon comprehend:
It’s me who’s by shackles here bound.
You, who have bound me by spur and by bit—
You’ll be the ones hardest hit!
As up goes the light, I’ll gasp at the sight
Of crowds, simply staring at me.
The pompous old pests! Some geezer there jests:
‘Alas, the bear’s now truly meek!’
You, who are planning to make me a ‘hit’:
You’ll be the ones hardest hit!
I’ll burn up in rage, I’ll scream in my cage!
They’ll laugh, then start screaming in awe
As I with disdain just snap off my chain
And send out a large, raging paw.
…And what happens next? I shall give you a hint:
You who good money in dark crimson tint,
You who like racist and chauvinist wit,
You who in big leather armchairs can sit—
You’ll be the ones hardest hit!
An Cat Dubh, 8.11.09
The second poem is based on a habit I used to have, now not as much. I did it constantly when my beloved Persephone was dying (quite surprisingly on January 17th, Davíð Oddsson’s birthday), or before tests. Read the poem and understand for yourself.
A CONFESSION
This dreadful shame I can no longer hide:
When doubts and troubles seize my mind and heart,
And reason maketh hope from me depart,
I let an ‘Our Father’ slip out, sighed.
I shut my eyen and let my heart grow wide
To welcome God’s sweet Grace, which outcharms art,
And pray, ‘O Father, tell me where Thou art!’—
And quickly end this sinful, hellish ride.
I sin a truly foul sin, my brothers,
A sin who is Creator to all others:
From Reason’s road I stray away and fall.
Thou, reason, though Thy road show’th great aggression,
By it alone can we defeat depression
Within Thy kingdom, where we’ll know it all.
An Cat Dubh, 10.11.09
To a new generation, far better than our own.
And now for something completely different:
Women best us. They’re involved in less car crashes, I’ve heard they were more intelligent on average (though I doubt the credibility of my source, a lesbian calling gay men stupid), they commit much less crimes (my former math tutor, who was a professinoal criminology teacher, said so), and now the National Association of Parenting Practitioners claims that lesbians are better parents.
Did you know you can make a child out of two egg cells nowadays? You still can’t do that with sperm, but they’re working on it. Furthermore, women outnumber men, even if by a seemingly meaningless rate (54% to 46%, something like that; I’m not so sure where intersex goes).
Are we men going to be a relic of the past? Some unnecessary piece of evolution which was only necessary for the development of science or infrastructure (assuming what I was once told, that women are better with words and men are better with conception of space), and will eventually die out? I’ve heard this ages ago on Miskhak Makhur, it seems this is true!
Now I hope I’ll get daughters.
Unum diem...
(P.S.: I might soon become an Ásatrú follower. Why and how will be described in my next post.)
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