Magnum opus

  ...you’re visiting Israel for the real Christmas, I’d like to point out it really irks me that tourists always go to the same handful of places: Jerusalem for pretty much everyone (but mostly for history nuts), Tel-Aviv for laid back tourists (or gay men, who are often ‘laid back’), Mesada for middle aged Republican Jews who don’t know any better, and the Bahá’i temple for a handful of people who’ve seen a documentary or something. Oh, and the Dead Sea for trackers in their twenties, Nazereth for christfags, and Eilat for hardcore sun lovers or just people who are on their way to Sinai. Honestly, I do get why people like some of these places (the Bahá’i Gardens really are beautiful, for one), but Tel-Aviv is mostly fairly bland and many tourists are disappointed by it, and the Galilee looks like a poor man’s version of Tuscany. It bewilders me. (EDIT, 2015–10–24: I have since changed my opinion; the Galilee is nicer than I’d recalled after coming back from Italy, and Tel-Aviv is wonderfully young and vibrant, like a Mediterranean Berlin.) Well, I’m here to change that and recommend a few places that apparently Lonely Planet has never heard of.

• First off, Israel has several neat places to visit if you like green pastoral areas with a weather slightly less warm than in Europe, mostly reminiscent of the weather in Italy. Most notably there’s Zikhron Ya‘akov, a quaint little town not far off from Binyamina, a slightly less quaint town with a train station but few noteworthy landmarks. It has nice cobblestone streets that give a bit of a European feel, but with a sunnier weather. It’s fun to visit and walk among the bazaars. And there’s ‘En Hod, which is a bit remote, but definitely worth visiting. It’s full of artists who can, at the very least, offer a good chance of window-shopping in a very sweet and pastoral environment. There are plenty of other such places around the Galilee, where Israelis often rent a cottage (or Zimmer―yes, it’s a German loanword, and it’s pronounced with a [t͜s]) at to unwind and go hiking around the area.
• Similarly, if the desert is more appealing to you, Kibbutz Lotan and Kibbutz Neot Smadar are really neat places to visit if you’re on your way to Eilat and have an appreciation for architecture and the pastorality of the desert. Oh, and you might just want to visit Kibbutz Yotvata, home of the famous Yotvata chocolate milk. There are Zimmers over there too, but they’re not at all as popular among Israelis as the ones in the north. But you should arrange your visit to any kibbutz in advance; that’s a closed residential area and they get fairly few visitors, although I suppose Neot Smadar gets some more.
• Tiberias, Acre, and Cæsarea are cities well worth visiting if you’re into history; the first two are good for seeing ‘authentic’ people, the third if you’re into more high-brow time-spending. And if you’re already in Tel-Aviv, you can add Jaffa to the first two. Also, there are plenty of archæological sites worth visiting all over the country―there are some Roman ruins not far from the aforementioned Binyamina, for instance, and there’s Nimrod Fortress up north, which I remember visiting several times in my childhood very fondly. There are probably some Muslim ruins or other historic sites to visit, but I don’t know much about those, although I could give Shfar‘am as a good example of an interesting place to visit; in fact, it was interesting enough to note on the 100 NIS bill.
  
• If nature is more your thing, you can go hiking around Mt. Carmel, which has some of the most beautiful natural sites in Israel, as well as the Israeli side of the Golan Heights, particularly Mt. Khermon in the summer (especially if it had snowed in the winter beforehand; don’t come around winter, Israelis tend to flock there en masse as they’re not used to having snow). There’s also the Rosh haNikra grottoes where you can visit, but I haven’t been there in ages and can only recall rather vaguely (but fondly) visiting the kibbutz nearby. If you prefer seeing the desert there’s the Negev, which is particularly interesting if you’re into wild animals, what with its rich fauna; you can see much of the fauna there at the Khai-Bar Nature Reserve. If geology (or just pretty natural sites) are more up your alley, there’s the Timna‘ valley, which happens to be an excellent place to take children to. (Or not.)
  
• If you’re into more recent history and plan on staying mostly in Tel-Aviv, there are a few interesting sites that might interest: there’s the Israeli Independence Hall, which happens to have a nice Italian restaurant right across the street from it named Rustico; there’s Bet Sokolov; and, of course, there’s Trumpeldor cemetery, which is absolutely fascinating to visit if you’ve an Israeli guide or just a friend to show you around―you’ll see the graves of Israel’s greatest writers, among them Israel’s national poet, Khayim Nakhman Bialik, as well as plenty of key historical figures, including some of the founding fathers of Zionism. In fact, Tel-Aviv in general is practically peppered with noteworthy modern historical sites and museums, many of them conveniently placed very close together: the Eretz Israel Museum, the Palmakh Museum, and the Yitskhak Rabin Centre are a walking distance away from one another. (Though I should be honest and say I cannot remember having visited the former and have never been to the latter two.) And the Diaspora Museum (which seems interesting, but not to me) is there too, right in the middle of good ol’ TAU! (...And if you’re a bit more open-minded, or want to hear a bit about Israel’s not-so-pretty sites, there’s Kafr Qásim, where you can learn about the horrid massacre that shook Israel and seared the concept of superior orders into its history’s flesh. Haven’t been there myself, but it’s bound to be interesting.)
  
• In case you might be interested, you can also visit the Circassian and Druze areas in Israel. Most notable among the former is Kfar Kama (or at least that’s where I’ve been to), where you can get some fascinating tours to hear about a fascinating culture, and try the excellent cheese they make. As for the Druze, you can probably find an interesting place to go to somewhere on Mt. Carmel, most notably Dáliyat l-Karmil. Try their pita bread, it’s delicious. There are probably places where you can learn about the Bedouins too and try their food, if you happen to be in the south, but I don’t think I’ve ever been to such a tour or such a place.
  

    And of course, there’s the most important tip I can give you: visit quickly, before this becomes a Judæo-Fascist theocracy, a ridiculously expensive oligarchy, a military state, or some sort of unholy union of any of the three.

  And until then, happy real Christmas! And may the Doc... uh... Did Moroz and Susa... uh... Snihuron’ka give you all you really want this year!

  Unum diem...

  Just because I made it a point never to miss a month.

  I realised I’m not a happy person. I don’t think I ever was. I’m capable of occasional happiness, but my natural state is that of calmness before a storm. Nevertheless I live on in hope of change of state, and, notwithstanding my natural innate tendency towards morality and empathy, perhaps be a person good enough to reincarnate as something happier.

  I am done defending Israel. I’ve realised it’s spiraling towards becoming a para-Fascist state quite similar to nationalist Japan (and if you don’t believe me, just read a bit about the riots and anti-Sudanese/Eritrean demonstraion that took place here, which is just the tip of the iceberg). I wholeheartedly hate this country now.

  Watch the original Doctor Who. I watched the first two serials; they were brilliant.

  Unum diem...